Zoo boo!

happy! 

Dentist! Well checks and more!

The babies teeth are perfect.  Which is amazing since they won't ever brush and Its a fight to make it happen. Guess it has to do with our healthier life style.
Mommy went from 2 cavities to one! Thank you coconut oil! Lol
Hayden's well check was great! He is perfect and right on track and even passed his hearing test! Barely put he pased. And we will take that!
Both kids got flu shots. We do vaccinate. Hadley did the nasal one and hadley decided on the shot. She immediately regreted it, but took it like a champ. She can give thanks to Doc Mcstuffins for that!
The most exciting part of this doctor visit was I took 2 one yr olds and 2 three yr olds then Hadley and Hayden.  Makes me feel accomplished that i didnt loose my mind. Or kill anyone. 

A letter to my mother

You are my mother and my best friend.
I love you and will protect always.
Even when we disagree I respect you enough to walk alway and not talk in anger or spite.
I wish I would have gotten involved in this sooner. I wish I had known you needed money to drive to sign that paper. I wish I had talked to my father and maybe just maybe this would not have ever happened. 
I can't go back. I can't change all this. Thank you for respecting me and learning you can ask me for help. In anyway. I'm glad I could be your ear when you needed. And not Expect me to judge and just to listen.
I know the traditional role isn't a child to help a parent financially..I know you cry everytime you need help. But you are not in control of your situation and y'ou have helped my family many times. and I'm sure in the future you will again once you are back on your feet.
I know you feel bad about what happened. I onow you feel guilty. But I don't blame you. I don't really blame my dad for it effecting me directly. He didn't know. Neither did you.
I love you and please know I'm here for whatever you need til the end of forever. ♥

A letter to my daddy

I'm writting as you could not calm yourself enough to listen to my words.  Since I'm writting I'm gonna start where I want to. First off, yes my mother talked to me about the situation,  no I never talked bad about you an and neither did my mother. As a matter of fact she continuously said, despite all this she still love you.  She loves you because you are the father our her 4 beautiful child and the 20 plus yrs had good yrs. So anyways. My opinion never changed of you even with all that.
So yesterday when I find out my bank account that had all the money I have balanced out to zero. Can you imagine how I felt? I felt lost and afriad and scared and worried. Thats how i provide for my family. Well when I called you, I was upset and a bit mad. But I knew you never meant for this to effect me, just my mother. (Which even if it hadn't taken my money, taking my mothers would effect me, just as vise versa to you)
You started yelling and cussing and trying to explain. I didn't need that. I didn't need to know why you wanted to do this. I'm glad I know bc I am hoping I can fix it for everyone involved.  But anyways. Hearing my father tell me he expected me to defend my mother and he hated her and never wants to see her again. That was my breaking point.  I started to bawl.
First off, yes I'm going to defend her. Just as I defend my sisters when brian is mad or I defend brian when my sisters are mad. Thats how MY HEART works.
Second,  no child every wants to hear a parent say they hate the other parent. That implies (whether you mean to or not) that you hate part of me. And when I told you how that made me feel you said you didn't care because that's how you feel. But that's talk for your wife not your child.
So lets go back. The situation with the letter for the house that started this all. If you where having what sems to have been a major communication issue. Mom just need time to get to conore. She is on work mans como due to a injury. Her money is tight. So when she said she needed time. You should have worked with her. But anyways. Yelling and screaming turns it to anger. Then she threatens for the money you owe her for the house and then you threaten the child support. You say its to call is even. Once you take the 7 grand you will give it back and call it even.
Ok. But did you know that while doing this you are taking her for literally every bit of the little she has. And In return her children who love her would help her. We would have done the same in reverse. For the most part. that's what family is for each other.
Before filing child support it would have made more sense to bring your plan to her. I did that for you like I told you I would. And she agreed. It was never about the money.
But anyways, I'm not here for sides. I get that you were upset and wantingg to protect yourself as you stated yesterday. I listened to you.  I respect you opinion on it. Depsite that i dont agree. But I beg you to see how all of your decisions hurt our family. I get that you say my mother is responsible and that's how you feel. She feels the same way. She feels guilty and wishes she could change what had happened in MAY.  Wishes she had asked to borrow gas money to go sign your paper.
I'm sorry that this happens.  I'm sorry that I was put in the midddle. I know your nor momma ever meant for my family to be included in your battle. But that's the funny thing about divorce the kids are affected and they do get hurt. And I even at age 27 the worst part about yesterday was hearing my dad say he hates my mother and that he had no faith that I wouldn't attack him. I have never attacked you. I've never yelled at you. Even yesterday I didn't. Not to you or melissa. I have enough respect for my father and his wife than that. I never made a judgement on you about any of this until yesterday when my heart shattered. 
Anger feeds hatred and causes more anger.
And a path of destruction will follow.
So with all your anger and that you are holding and keeping I pray for you. I pray that you can find peace and let go of the anger. Because as long as the anger and hatred is there people are going to keep getting hurt.
I love you daddy. That's why the words you said hurt so much.  I know we have never had a close relationship but that never meant I'd attack you or put you down. I know I wasn't intended in the crossfire. But I was. And I know that will get fixed. But your words will brand me. As I try to understand them. I know my worth. I was raised well. God loves me and he knows my heart. I hope you will one day too. 

Leviticus 19:17 - Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.

Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

Haydens birthday!

Hayden is 6! Really I can't believe it. But my baby boy is 6 yrs old. We celebrates at candy cane park on his actual birthday. His theme was skylanders!

Struggles with a 3 year old

Yesterday, I held my 3 year old daughter down as she was kicking and screaming and trying to run away from me. Why? Because she wanted to wear her faded, stained leggins to church. My husband laughs as he thinks it is a show for him. When in reality,  THIS IS MY REALITY. 
For instance, this morning we had a tantrum which included her climbing in the freezer and trying to shut herself in as she yelled at me for a corndog for breakfast.  Its my fault really. Last week when I was sick I caved and let her have a corndog for breakfast and well lunch. The problem is she  had already agreed to the pancakes I was making. And well corndogs just aren't breakfasr food. Are they?
Lesson learned. though, mommy can't get sick and have a moment of weakness. She will remember and she will  remind you a week later that is was in fact ok last week to eat the corndog. So this week is ok too.
Sometimes I feel like I am talking with a brick wall then BAM a month later she remembers what I told her about how she could wear her Anna dress once her room was cleaned. Nevermind the day she remembers this is also church day.
Atleast she was cute for church? The funny part was watching the husband try and to persuade her to take it off in the parking lot.
Starting to learn what is worth fighting with her. But I struggle with my inner sense of common sense and general rules of life. But then again who makes these rules and why can't we eat corndogs for breakfast or wear a Anna costume to church or those stained and faded leggings?

My day these days ♥

My day starts typically at 5 am when the husband annoyingly wake me up Just to wake me up. If I fall back asleep my day starts at 630 am.  That's when the first kid gets dropped off. Usually I make coffee and we sit on the couch and cuddle. Then 730 that's when my second lil one gets dropped off most days. Also the same time my kids wake up.I go through house and turn on scentsy then I aide with getting dressed and making beds and teeth brushing and making sure the dog gets let out and the animals get feed. Then at 8 that's time to take bug to school. I rearrange the carseats as needed then load them up. We leave about 810/815. Drop Hayden off then back hone by 830. That's diaper change and clothing change for all the littles. Then at 9 breakfast while watching Disney junior. I clean kitchen while they play on the floor. Opps gotta start laundry! If time before sleepy time we go outside!  At about 930/10 is first nap for littles. We pick up toys in livingroom and change diapers. Brenen gets here about 1030, the big kids have a snack and hang out either outside ot in back of the house. Time to Switch over laundry! Nap ends about 11. Diaper change! And then it is time for art! We paint, color, playdough and more! Then at about 12 it is clean up. Yay. I send the older kids to go clean the back of the house while I cook lunch. Then it is lunch about 1230. 1 is nap time. Then it is time to clean up the living room and I get everyone's spots ready while they eat.  When they are done eating it is again diaper change and bottled and sippy cups filled and everyone laid down. I vacuum real quick then clean the kitchen.  And sweap up the excess food and playdough. Nap last till about 3. During that time I fold the clothes and put up. Usually 2 loads. Then I make sure the kids rooms are cleaned and i lysol everything. Yes I do watch my show's while folding laundry. Aftwr nap it is diaper change and shoes on to load up the car to get hayden. 330 we go gwt hayden! Then home about 350. Then it is snack time.  After snack the big kids go outside with the door ope. While I  clean kitchen. About 4 the two babies get picked up. At this point we are all usually outside or headed that way. At 5 we are now going on a walk. It last about 30 min then at 530/540 I start dinner. I clean as I go. To avoid too much at the end. Hayden now sets the table for me. I unload the dish washer if need be. Dinner is done at about 6. We eat family style at the table. Hayden anf hadley take turns saying grace  Daddy usually comes home at about 615 and joins us. Dinner is done about 645. Mommy loads dishwasher and cleans pota and pans and wipes countera and tables. While the kids do their chores, including clean rooms vacuum, feed cats, ckean living room and  about 7/710 then I'm done with kitchen and it is time for baths.  They take a bath and brush 730 is tuck in beds! Jammies, potty, book and prayers! While every one is laying down including daddy I go behind thw kids and make surw house was cleaned. I wipe down toliets and sweep and clean litter box and turn off scentsy!  Then at about 9 when all is done I shower. Sometimes I'm lucky and I get to take a BATH at 8! Then it is time for bed.  I lay down and pass out at about 10/1030 and start my day again. Currently any chance i get to sit i am pumping breast milk gor a newborn baby ♥Love every min of it ♥