Why do we as society judge constantly.

With the peak of social media everything most do is under a microscope. When baby jessica fell in the well. We came together and prayed for the family and aided them. Now if a child is hurt or missing society imediately pointsbout evey flaw you have to prove itnwas your fault. Being a parent is hard enough without bystanders judging every move you make.
There are so many decisions involved with raising children. From simple ones like what their first food should be to what age to start food to vaccines to circumsision to dicipline and so much more.
I think we all can agree that doing your owm research is vital. Statistics are great. Facts are eveb better. But children are NOT a one size fits all.
I have evolved so much as a parent. I became a mom almost 10 years ago. And I made choices with him i didnt with the middle child and havent with the youngest. For example my oldest is circumsized. My youngest is not. We statered solids as 4 months with my oldest and it was a fruit. My middle child started at 4 months with veggies. And here we are with the youngest and he hasnt had purees and probably never will and he is almost 6 months.
Even with carseats, oh i have adjusted with mew studies. My oldest it was a milestone at 1 year of age to turn forward facing. So wonderfully exciting. My middle rearfaced till she was 3 and harnessed till 5 and still randonly at age 7. My youngest will rearface til he drives. Just kidding.
My point is their best interest is what i have going on. I could give so many more examples to the differences between my children. As I have aged and grown with my children. My love for my oldest is the same for the other 2. I always do what i feel is best for them.
Some things havent changed. Such as i co sleep. It makes my life easier. I could never do CIO. But thats me. Thats my kids. I breaatfeed. All 3. I wanted to as long as I could. My oldest I feel i failed him. I gave up at 5 months when it got hard and i went to work. My middle weaned at 3.6 years old. And my youngest will wean when he is ready. I forced my oldest to use a bottle as well as breast cause i thought he had to. My middle child never had a bottle. And the baby will look at you like you are crazy.
Now i am rambling. But my point comes down to this. You do not have to like a choice mother makes. And you do not have the right to tell her she is wrong. If safety is an issue share facts and studies. But do not belittle or make a mother feel bad for choices she makes. As every child is different.
Respect for each other will get us far. Being a mother is hard. Its stressful. Im just winging it honestly. I have experience and research but i am honestly winging it. My parenting changes daily.
Our babies are only little for so long. Hold them and love them. And stop worrying about what others think or feel. Do what is best for you and your babies. <3

Suprise baby boy!

All of our choices have a ripple effect. They may effect us or they may effect our family, our friends or our neighbors.  Well, for my family when we couldnt affors birth control in October of 2016 it led the me liking not being on hormones, to calculating my cycle to a vacation in Tennesse with a stubburn husband that led us to a positive pregnacy test in January.
We had decided we were going to find a more perminate birth control. Two kids were more than enough. They kept us on our toes. We were happy we were blessed. But honestly nothing made me feel as whole as seeing the 2 lines on that small little stick. God's plan was even better than ours.
The pregnancy was good. Lots of itching from withdraw from my anxiety/depression meds. Morning sickness like id never had. I threw up more this pregnancy than i had my whole life. Typical sciatica and acid reflux. And of course gestation diabetes. The kids took it all well and were so helpful to mommy. And wanted to bond with baby brother so badly. And they did. The little bean was aways responding to their voices. Thet loved feeling him move.
The real excitment started August 19. I woke up and felt entergized. I meal prepped and cleaned all day. At 9pm i got back pains and eventually stood in the shower for an hr or so. I got out and sat on the bed. Hadley was watching an annoying youtube video and at
Yelled at her to turn it off. At that moment i needed to pee.
It wasnt pee though. My water had broke. I yelled for Hadley to get daddy. And of course she had 5 million questions about why. I was trying to to panick and i was only 36 weeks along. He cant be coming now. But he was.
I was shaking and the contractions started big time 5 min later. Loading 2 kids in a car at 12 pm while calling people to keep them was exciting while trying not to freak out.
We arrive at the hospital and contractions are 2 min apart and brutal. No need to verify water breaking. I needed to be in an OR asap. So about an hour after arriving we were in an OR. Dr. Reeves looked like he had just woke up. But he could see my fear and tried to help. He got me warm blankets and talked about stinky boys. He even joked that Holden was hiding from him.
Hearing my sweet boy cry was instsnt relief to my anxiety. And for about 1 min all was ok. But honestly nothing makes you feel as helpless and being strapped to a OR table, unable to move while trying to read lips. (which i suck at) But my husband's face said it all. I felt a tear run down my face as i watched him try to keep it together. Holden failed their APGAR test. And he failed the 2nd one. He needed O2 and needed the NICU. I felt so helpless and alone. As brian needed to stay with our boy.
They did make a stop by recovery and i got to hold my baby boy for 2 min until he was too blue and needes to go back to NICU.
My biggest fear was playing out. I had told myself so many times i wasnt strong enough to do this again. The first time was the hardest thing for me. Not being able to touch or talk to my baby boy. How was i going to do this again?
The amazing thing was i was never worried about Holden as he had the best healer on his side. It was the being alone that hurt the most. I went from having him inside me, to him being a 5 min walk away. And hooked up. I couldnt touch him those first 24 hrs. That was painful.
I didnt have my other littles. So i didnt have cuddles. Brian was working. So unless i had visitors, which i had many, i was alone. And all i did was walk and pump and sleep and eat.
By day 3 i was able to hold him. And i did as often as i was allowed. Day 4 i was nursing him thw first time. It wasnt sucessful but it was great. And it just got better from there. The 5th night i was not a patient but got to stay to nurse around the clock. It was exhausting walking to the NICU every 2 hrs but worth it.
The 6th night he was mine. All mine. We didnt have visitors and at this point i was fine with that. Just my small family of 5.  <3
It was a ruff week my emotions were on fire. I missed my big kids and my littliest. We had an eclipse and a hurricane and even an earth quak. But we went home on day 7. Home. Just my not so little family.
GOD has a plan and a reason. And i lnow he is why i was calm during Holden's storm. Brian and all the kids needed me to be. And God did just that.

Motherhood is so much more than what you think

I keep going to write this blog and apparently its just not righy each time as i keep not saving it on accident. That is part of motherhood I suppose.
Anyways, i read so many post daily from mothers complaining or frustrated with their kids and or the kids father when it comes to life. Being a mom has the same responsibilities and rewards and sacrifies whether you are single, married or whatever. Im not talking about dished or laundry or whatever.
As a mother it is you responsibilty to raise and love and dicipline your children.
Being a mother meanns waking up at 6 to get the kids ready for school even though you were up til 2 am with a baby with a upset tummy.
Being a mother means dicplining your child for things that make you laugh.
Being a mother means getting ugly stares as your child rolls on the ground in tantrum mode. But you want to prove a point.
Being a mother means laying a blanket over pee as your child never even woke from slumbet as they peed on you.
Being a mother means cleaning up vomit at 3 am while trying to hold the bucked to prevent more vomit covered carpet or blankets or clothes or well anything really.
Being a mother means wrangling a what feels like a 8 legged octopus to take a bath and wash it's hair.
Being a mother is repeating phrases like "please dont eat that"  or "stop licking that"
Being a mother is parent teacher conferences. Sometimes simply explaining your child pulled his pants down and peed on the playground.
Being a mother is learning to let them grow and learn on their own.
Being a mother means finally giving up and hoping the dog food that the baby ate had some nutritional value, While you clean the mess up.
Being a mother means sometimes hearing "i hate you" or "you are a mean mommy" or my favorite "i wish you had a penis and were my second daddy and not my mommy" yup heard that one.
Being a mother means staying up with a crying baby, toddler or child.
Being a mother is walking through target with princess Elsa or batman.
Being a mother means you get to see smiles and giggles and laughs.
Being a mother means you get hugs and kisses and i love yous.
Being a mother is making mistakes.
Being a mothet means you become a mombie. And im not convienced that ever goes away. There isnt enough coffee.
Anyways.
My point is being a mother means being there for your kids. When they need you. Though the good the bad and the ugly. There is nothing that will bring back these days. They will grow up they will become adults. And there is nothing that can be done.
So whether you have a husband or are single or have a good father for your children, remeber we are all in this together. Being a mother is hard. It is stressful and you will mess up. Probably horribly. But just be there. Be there for your kids. Support them, dicipline them but most of all love them. Be there safe place. Be there home. Because in the end. That is what matters.
Childhood is short. Take advantage of being apart of it. Yelling and screaming and stressing over your kids wont make it easier or benefit you, as a mother or your kids.
Love them and rember that being a mother is just that being, be a mother.

Struggles with a 3 year old

Yesterday, I held my 3 year old daughter down as she was kicking and screaming and trying to run away from me. Why? Because she wanted to wear her faded, stained leggins to church. My husband laughs as he thinks it is a show for him. When in reality,  THIS IS MY REALITY. 
For instance, this morning we had a tantrum which included her climbing in the freezer and trying to shut herself in as she yelled at me for a corndog for breakfast.  Its my fault really. Last week when I was sick I caved and let her have a corndog for breakfast and well lunch. The problem is she  had already agreed to the pancakes I was making. And well corndogs just aren't breakfasr food. Are they?
Lesson learned. though, mommy can't get sick and have a moment of weakness. She will remember and she will  remind you a week later that is was in fact ok last week to eat the corndog. So this week is ok too.
Sometimes I feel like I am talking with a brick wall then BAM a month later she remembers what I told her about how she could wear her Anna dress once her room was cleaned. Nevermind the day she remembers this is also church day.
Atleast she was cute for church? The funny part was watching the husband try and to persuade her to take it off in the parking lot.
Starting to learn what is worth fighting with her. But I struggle with my inner sense of common sense and general rules of life. But then again who makes these rules and why can't we eat corndogs for breakfast or wear a Anna costume to church or those stained and faded leggings?